It has been a while since I have been touched like that!!

I remember clearly hearing about a family that did not touch. They didn’t kiss; they didn’t hug and wouldn’t even touch the arm of an aged and infirm family member. Unfortunately, this could be any number of people I have talked spoke with over the years; clients, caregivers and friends.

Too often I hear of, and have been witness to, people who are afraid to touch, as if they will catch something. Not sure what they believe they will catch. Being old is not a transmittable disease. It is a phase of life that I can only hope and pray that I get to experience myself some day. Touching the arm of someone that is deformed in some manner, or just not so easy on the eyes will not cause one to wake up with a deformity when the sun rises the next day. And touching the sad and lonely does not mean that they will become instantly in love with you and stalk you day and night, just as it does not mean that you will become sad and lonely too.

A wonderful massage that I had today reminded me about the healing power of touch. It is what allows us to grow, and to thrive. It is as important as sunlight, air, and food. Without it, we will wither and die or just be grumpy and mean.

Oh Pooh!!

Saw on someone’s site that you are not supposed to flush cat poop in the septic. I was so troubled by this post, that I have started to Google this for more information. Answers/explanations are as follows:

1. Cat feces is too toxic for the septic and could contaminate the ground water

a. Whereas baby poop should be emptied into the commode before disposing of the diaper, because it carries too many diseases for the landfill

b. “Flushing cat waste is suspected to be linked to the death of sea otters, whales and porpoises in the US and the UK. The parasite can survive sewage treatment and then travel down rivers until it gets to the sea. The only safe way to dispose of it is via land fill or incineration.”

2. Doggie Dooley Dog Toilet Model 3500 Standard Toilet

a. Guess that would work for cats too.

3. "Poo Converters" ranging from $80 to $400 in price are available for composting pet feces

Now correct me if I am wrong. Rodents carry all kinds of parasites as do opossums, and raccoons and other animals living in the wild – behind my home. And as much as I have seen the neighbor cats multiply, nothing beats the fertility of a well-fed rodent. That being said, why am I worrying about the toxicity of cat feces?? As for those sea otters – It is a LONG way from my mountain home to any breeding ground for sea mammals!! Besides, my dogs have all eaten more than their fair share of ‘kitty muffins’ and they are still ready to take on the universe every time they hear a sound.

My conclusion, sometimes the poop goes in the commode, sometimes the yard and sometimes the landfill. I am doing my part for the environment by evening out the wear!!

Out like a what!!

Here it is – March 27^th and there is frost on the ground! What happened to in like a lion and out like a lamb, maybe a lamb on steroids! The temperature is going to go up another 20 degrees during the day. I think Mother Nature’s steroids are making this lamb kinda looney!

I am headed to work here in just a few. Have to finish my coffee and powder my nose first. And of course I have to figure out what to wear - Spring clothes that go with frost on the ground. Hmm – wonder if they offer at class in this at the local college?

Mammogram

At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of "guilty with an explanation." The judge asked me what my explanation was, so I told my story.

"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.' Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?' 'Fine', I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap!

Complete darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and headed for the door. 'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'

Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me ... half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.' 'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said 'Case Dismissed!!'..

Make sure you get your mammogram as scheduled!!

May I speak to A DOG.... The joys of telemarketers

I had the experience a few years back of having a telemarketer call the house and ask if I was A Dog. Now, we were listed in the phone book under A Dog ( which is much easier to spell than my last name and my maiden name.) I even tried to explain to the caller that it was a joke. The caller proceeded to DEMAND to talk to A Dog. What else could I do... I told A Dog to speak, which she did. And the caller had the nerve to call me rude!!

So what do you do about the telemarketer that won't stop calling. The person that interrupts my dinner and then complains that I am rude.

What do you do about telemarketers??

I don't blog - well I never did before

Never thought I would consider a blog before, but, there is a first time for everything. I have been having a lot of 'firsts' lately. I always thought that blogging meant exposing the rest of the world to your 'guts.' Frankly, my guts are private. Messy, smelly, and private. So, I am going to try to keep my guts out of this. So I guess that leaves talking about everything else. And doing what I do best, making it fun, or funny or maybe just insightful.